I don’t know any other way. At this point, when it comes to making meatballs, beer is a must. As gross as it is to fondle a cold pint with hands tacky from getting totally spherical with a harmoniously seasoned pile of meat, bread crumb, and the varied DNA of any great meatball, I make damn sure that the glass is within arm’s reach. It is vital to my assurance that the approximate 3-finger pinch, jabbed with the ferocity of the “5-Point-Palm-Exploding-Heart-Technique”, weighs out to 2.5 oz, my ideal meatball size. It’s a vibe thing, and not all too different from my strategy when going bowling; One power glug, make sure good tunes are queued up if not already blasting from either stereo or iphone tucked into quart deli, then and only then can I get my hands dirty and get rolling. Maintenance sips in between to keep the feel and rhythm going. Be forewarned that the benefit of these sips can quickly plateau and before you know it your groove of spares and strikes will quickly turn to gutter balls and you’ll end up Munson’d(if you don’t get the reference, you should quit reading this and watch Woody Harrelson’s masterpiece performance in “Kingpin”).
Once upon a time as a prep cook I was often summoned by my Chef after grueling shifts of dough rolling, lettuce cleaning, garlic mincing, and other romantically mundane tasks ,to help him out with getting the next day’s army of meatballs rolled out, so they could be well chilled before frying the next day. Even though we both knew the question to stay later was rhetorical, the answer being always and forever yes, he was kind and wise enough to soften the blow and proffer me a couple beers from the bar in exchange for the free labor. Fair or not, I will always dig the bartering system. Plan ahead for this recipe, as much as possible, ie: Breadcrumbs ground, cheese grated, greens and onions cooked, pint glasses chilled, making sure you have enough beverages to finish however many meatballs you intend to roll, whether it’s 24 or 200+. Use a scale, or just drive by feel, baby! This is the way of the meatball.
Stupidly Delicious Pork Meatballs
You will need:
The Meat
- 3.5 lbs ground pork (Grind it yourself from a beautiful butt if you’ve the means)
- 1 tsp each fennel & coriander seed toasted and ground
- 1.5 Tbsp chile flake ground
Everything else..
- 6 C breadcrumbs (ideally from a softer pan de mie like bread)
- 2 ½ C Parmesan Cheese grated on medium hole of box grater
- 1 C Milk (may need a little more or less depending on the breadcrumbs and their absorption)
- 3 Eggs whole
- 1 C cooked yellow onion (sweat it low and slow with EVOO until translucent tender, 8-10 min)
- 3 T minced garlic (keep nearly submerged with evoo until ready to use to prevent oxidation)
- 1 bunch parsley finely chopped
- 2 Bunches Rapini AKA Broccoli Raab, everything but an inch of the stems chopped, washed and drained
- ½ C EVO
- 2 T garlic
- 1 T chile flake
Dat Sauce
- (2) 26 oz. cans of quality whole peeled tomatoes, squeezed into pieces by hand
- 1 yellow onion grated
- 3 cloves garlic sliced fine
- 1 tsp dried oregano
- ½ tsp chile flake
- 1 Tbsp tomato paste
- 6 leaves of basil
- ½ C EVOO
- 1 Tbsp salt
- ½ lb. miscellaneous ham skins, prosciutto scraps, roasted pork bones, and/or parm rinds ( I keep these little witch treasures in my freezer for these simmering occasions. Flavor habits.)
To make the sauce, put a large sauce pot on medium heat with your EVOO, onion, oregano, chile flake, season with half the salt, and cook for 3-4 minutes. We’re not going for color on the onions, so don’t wander away. Add your sliced garlic and cook for an additional minute, letting that garlic just start to melt before adding your tomato paste. Cook the paste until you get a brick red color coating your onions and garlic, and then finally add your hand squashed canned tomatoes, seasoning with your remaining salt. Use less salt if you’re a freaky witch adding the recommended savory bits. Bring to a simmer on medium heat before lowering to a simmer and covering, leaving lid slightly ajar to allow some evaporation, with a stir here and there as you walk to the fridge for a tasty beverage or snack. Once the sauce is reduced somewhere between half and a third, resembling porridge cereal like consistency, take it off the stove and discard them witch bits. Set aside.
To get the rapini right, you will test the sensitivity of your smoke alarm, or just live on the edge with batteries removed at all times. Get a wide bottomed sauté pan reeeal hot, until it is about to smoke, then add your olive oil, turning off your heat before adding half your rapini. Turning off the heat will prevent flare ups, which will burn your oil and ruin your rapini and your day in one fall swoop. If your pan was properly heated, the Rice Krispie elves will run for cover hearing the firecrackers going off in your pan. Having your salt, chili, and minced garlic ready, quickly season with salt and chile, adding half your garlic to a corner of the pan, tilting slightly so the oil begins to bloom all that garlic flavor throughout. Vigorously stir the rapini for a minute, coating it with the oil. The rapini will start to release steam which will help it cook through. When it starts to sound like it’s beginning to fry again, about 4-5 minutes, taste a piece for seasoning and tenderness. It should have texture but not bite and taste delicious, cooking and seasoning more if this is not the case. Transfer to a sheet pan to cool and repeat with the remaining rapini. Make sure you’ve removed any bits before ramping the heat back up as all that will burn and make everything taste burnt.
Finally, we’ve arrived at the meatball portion of this damned recipe. Mix together in a large bowl your: breadcrumbs, parm, sweated onion, eggs, milk, minced garlic, parsley, and rapini. Squeeze it between your fingers, both because the mix needs it and it just is an irreplaceable tactile sensation. Thank me later. It should now feel slightly tacky, but not wet. Set aside (refrigerating if you’re the masochist grinding their own pork shoulder).
Get a small sauté pan on medium low heat with 1 T oil. Add your ground pork to your breadcrumb mix. Fold everything together. Mix until things seem evenly distributed, about 3-4 minutes. Pinch a little half dollar sized patty and add to the preheated pan. Cook on one side for about 2 minutes before flipping, and continue to cook until it aint raw, about 2-3 more minutes. Taste to adjust your seasoning before the final balling.??? Salt? Spice? Chile?
Assuming you’ve crushed it on seasoning your meat properly, give the mix and yourself a good little pat with your meaty zombie hands, as now the fun begins.
With a lightly oiled parchment or aluminum foil lined sheet pan ready, as well as a chilled and filled pint glass with beer of choice, begin to roll your meatballs. I like giving a couple slaps between the palms before frenetically rolling 15-16 revolutions in my slightly cupped hands to ensure that I’ve encapsulated the spheric essence of the meatball. Repeat until every scrap of meat has become a ball. Refrigerate for 2 hours, overnight is best, to allow to firmly set.
Preheat oven to 325º. Prepare the roasting pan that will comfortably fit your balls in one single layer. Get a large sauté pan on medium heat, adding enough olive oil to come up the sides of the pan about 1/8”. The oil should be hot and shimmering looking, but not smoking. Add your meatballs, giving a little baby rollaround in your hands as you add them to the pan, making sure not to crowd them. Without moving, cook for 2-3 minutes, basting the tops with the oil before gingerly turning the balls over once a deep golden brown crust is achieved. Repeat with remaining meatballs, transferring to your roasting pan.
Meanwhile bring your tomato sauce up to a simmer on low heat. The balls should still be raw, as it is intended to have them cook through in the braise.
( If preparing a true army of meatballs and not just a small militia as this recipe provides, I highly recommend setting up a large pot and deep frying them in a neutral oil of your choosing. This will significantly speed up the process while ensuring an evenly caramelized ball.)
Add enough sauce to just cover your meatballs, wrap tight with aluminum foil, and cook in the oven for an hour. Take out of the oven, remove the foil and observe the glory. If equipped with an asbestos lined mouth, you’ll taste the glory immediately. The others will have to be more patient. Freeze what you don’t devour, or just adopt a strong diet of meatballs for the coming weeks. No judging; you do you. Now drink up and get ballin’.
Cheesy Fantastico 