My insides are on the brink of car sickness whirring down the winding and ironic “Joy Road”, a splinter off CA-1, shrouded by poison oak and thorny ass blackberry bushes. The circumstances are a cruel but fair trade-off for permanent clarity when asked the essential question: “What’s for breakfast?”.
Once a round wee one, I was under the spell that American breakfast menus had too many choices and directions to choose from. Sweet or savory? Pancake v. Waffle? How do I want my eggs cooked? Eggs singlehandedly will have you floundering. In those fleeting minutes between beverage order and the moment your server comes round, pen and pad in hand.. As if choosing my political party right before voting for the first time, l decide copy-cat my forefathers at the table, who had yet to steer me wrong.“I, uh, I’ll have the corned beef Hash, please”. Those were the last words spoken before my democracy of American breakfast surrendered to its singular almighty ruler.
It should be said that I was no complete stranger to corn beef hash in the time before this life altering moment. In my half dozen years leading up to this I’d already made acquaintance with the crude canned cylindrical form by way of family Sunday breakfasts. Despite its aesthetics being akin to wet dog food,
I was already a believer in this selective cult. If by admitting that my excitement for this dish was supplemented by the ritual and methodical joy of applying ketchup and hot sauce, kills all potential future readership, then so be it. Heinz haters gonna hate.
However, it was at Howard’s Station Café, in Occidental, CA that the elevated form of hash- real potatoes with actual recognizable pieces of meat accompanied by fried onions and bell peppers, took reign over all future breakfast decisions. I’m not going to pretend that I quit putting said condiments on the dish, which sharp minds may consider to be contradictory to the dish being actually great if it’s greatness requires tomato MSG and a little piquant sump’n sump’n. I’d beg to differ in that in the sum of its parts, a methodical application of condiments lifts this dish above the clouds of breakfast mediocrity. It’s not a far cry away from being led to an established haunted house that would otherwise just feel creepy, but if you push F# on the fifth octave three times on that dusty piano in the study, the entire house transforms into some luxurious and magical mansion.
Corned beef hash, and hashes in general, are just that kind of dish that never quits on you. Whether it’s a diner at 3AM, a proper breakfast restaurant, or a tragically trendy brunch spot you arrive even more tragically hung over at, this amalgamation of starch, protein, and ideally two sunny side up eggs, will guarantee you satisfaction if not euphoria . Jerry’s Grill, once supreme greasy spoon south of Ravenswood, Chicago,(RIP, Jerry’s), threw down an admirable display for this dish’s potential for a mere $4!! Canned or not, a hangover miracle cure of: 2 eggs, toast, hash, and more additional hashbrowns making a triple starch meat mashup for only FOUR DOLLARS?!!GET OUTTA HERE!!!
Sorry, got carried away… As I was saying, you know it’s really quite liberating when you give up fussing with other menu options. Like many geniuses and Fortune 500 CEOs report their closet to be a mundane multiplicity of garments, same style, colors, etc. perhaps one, maybe two nice suit for special occasions and meetings, it frees their mind to stay focused on changing the world for better or worse, or just focused on accumulating incomprehensible wealth. My two exceptions to this rule are:1) when hash is not on the menu, or 2.)when the walls are whispering to get the breakfast burrito or my stomach will live in peril and regret for the hours to come. Otherwise, my allegiance to the Hash abides. I implore you all to give up your illusive ideas of freedom for these three words : “All HAIL HASH!”
Pastrami & Jimmy Nardello Hash Royale
This is my best homage to the grandness of tasting Howard Station Café’s corned beef hash, riffing on their corned beef with pastrami as well as the addition of the notoriously delicious ever elusive Jimmy Nardello pepper. Get your gumshoes on and try sourcing these at your farmer’s market, and with any luck you just might catch him.
Needs:
Large Cast Iron Pan,Food Processor/Immersion blender or knife and patience
1.5 lb Potatoes (dealers choice), 3/4” chunkers, rinsed of excess starch
2 lbs Pastrami, cubed ¾”
8-10 Large-ish Jimmy Nardello Peppers
1 each large red & green bell pepper in large dice
2 Red Onions julienned thin
10 cloves garlic, 4 sliced thin, 4 smashed, 2 finely minced
.5 tsp cumin ground
.5 tsp coriander ground
( I keep a small container of these two spices combined after toasting/grinding from seeds every month or so because they’re huge pantry players in the Cheesy Fantastico kitchen)
1 tsp smoked paprika
.5 tsp cayenne pepper
1-2 Arbol chile sliced or pinch of chile flakes
3 Tbsp butter
Olive Oil
Enough Eggs for you and your people’s demands
Red Wine Vinegar
Sherry Vinegar
1 bunch scallions sliced thin on diagonal
.5 C parsley leaves, your best chiffonade chef
.5 C Your preferred mayonnaise, or make your own aioli if you’re vibing that level of effort
Kosher Salt
Fresh Ground Black Pepper
Preheat oven to 450º. In a medium bowl, toss Jimmy Nardello Peppers with a glug of olive oil and generous pinch of salt. Spread on aluminum foil lined sheet pan and pop them Jimmy’s in the oven once it’s hot until evenly blistered, but not blackened, on both sides, turning over hallway through cooking. Pinch more salt upon retrieval from the oven, dribble some red wine vinegar on them. Set aside to cool, before slicing your peppers into ½” rings.
In a medium saucepan, add your potatoes with enough cold water to cover. Salt the water liberally like for pasta, checking seasoning once the water comes up to a simmer. This will help ensure a very evenly seasoned potato. (A sprinkling of white vinegar is also a nice touch, but totally optional). Simmer ‘til tender, 12-15 minutes. Drain, set aside to cool.
Get that cast iron hot, drizzle a tablespoon or so of your olive oil and add 1 out of the 3 tablespoons of butter. In go the onions, distribute them evenly over the surface of the pan, then LET THEM BE! After a couple minutes, once some semblance of toasty color has developed, season your onions with a respectable pinch of salt, before making a small well to add your sliced garlic, then turn the heat down to medium, and continue cooking for 10 minutes before adding your diced bell peppers, cumin/coriander, paprika, chile flake, adjusting seasoning, then keep the stir and scrape party going until your peppers have a little color and have softened, I reckon another 3 minutes. Add a small splash of sherry vinegar and one more small pinch of salt, continue cooking until the vinegar dissipates enough to where you’re not making a stink-eye face upon wafting. {;<( . Yeah something like that. We’re looking for some texture and taste just shy of caramelized with a little zing. Transfer the onion pepper mix to a bowl.
Give your cast iron a perfunctory wipe down, before getting all hot and bothered again. Once we’re reheated, add another film of oil, this time adding your crushed garlic, again leaving it alone for that Midas touch, before laying down your potatoes and pastrami chunkers.
Perfect moment to make our Nardello Mayo. (Note: If you’re not alumni or a practicing member of Fat Kid Club, and have never known or understood the ways of true indulgence, skip this section). The food processor people will do their food processor thing, and the immersion blender people will add their peppers and mayo to a deli container or other vessel. Those less fortunate or technology resistant insisting on doing things more rustic, I’d recommend chopping your peppers real fine like before mixing straight into a bowl or busting out a mortar & pestle situation, concentrating on your enemies or that annoyingly weird Aunt of yours before grinding your peppers into a tasteful oblivion, then stirring into your mayo. Add a pinch of salt and a little water to get to a consistency that will ribbon off your spoon.
By now you should have some nice Maillard happening #foodiewords. Give them meat spud chunkers a turn to achieve maximum browning. You want to really push them to the edge, as once we add all the tasty soggy bits back in, we’ll still have some crispiness on our potatoes and pastram’s.
If you are approaching Brown town, fry them eggs. Get your garneeesh of parsley, scallions, roasted Jimmy Nardello rings ready for scattering, Nardello Mayo spoon cocked and loaded.
Fold in the pepper onion mix. Do the garnish dance. Stand back, assess. If you are not excited by the smells and this perfect mosaic that is Hash, right here in front of you, then God help us, everyone of us.
Cheesy Fantastico 