News, Goons & Squiggle Tubes

I don’t know if you follow the news, but uhhhh… Is anyone else craving calamari lately? Is it just my appetite that transmogrifies the name of a certain Goon’s Goon, Mathew Calamari, into a mental cloud suspended by cravings for squiggly tentacle bits and tubular goodies. For those afflicted similarly, I ascribe the following remedy of starting with this recipe. 

Get it:

Ripping hot grill, or if raining in June like it is right now in Chicago, a real hot grill pan.

Pot/Pan with lid and wide enough to fit mussels in even layer, ensuring quick even cook time

A small army of vinegars to employ

1 Lb Squid, cleaned, rings cut ½” 

1 lb Mussels, ALIIIIVE!

2 C Cooked cannellini like white bean, rinsed and drained

1 Heaping Tbsp paste of garlic + 3 cloves sliced real thin

1 Bunch parsley, reserving a few leaves for garnish, finely chopped 

1 stick of celery, cut thin on a diagonal (celery heart welcomed 😉

1 Lemon, zested, juiced, separated

1 tsp ground chile flake (flex the espelette if ya’s got it!)

1 tsp smoked paprika

30 Grinds, minimal!, coarse ground black pepper

2 Dozen cherry tomatoes

1 Red onion half julienned finely (macerated)  & 1 half small dice 

1 tsp. Fish sauce

2T Red Wine Vinegar

2T Sherry Vinegar

¼ C. Rice Wine Vinegar vinegar

2 Tbsp Water

Extra virgin olive oil

Sea Salt, or suspend your disbelief and use kosher.

Finishing salt of your choice; Fleur du Sel, Maldon, Jacobsen, etc. 

Start your engines, whether that’s live fire or preheating a grill pan to whatever your oven allows, get that going.

To make the squid marinade, we’ll do some real avant garde shit starting and ending by  mixing together: heap o’ minced garlic, chile flake/espelette, half of the diced red onion,lemon zest, about a quarter of the chopped parsley, and  a couple tablespoons of olive oil. In a small baking dish add your squid rings and tentacles and season with a three finger pinch of salt, (That’d be your pointer, middle, ring + thumb) toss lightly, and then pour your super fancy marinade over. The squid should be just coated and not drenched in marinade. I know, crazy stuff happening here, stay with me for this next step. Refrigerate the squid..Woah.

            While the squid gets spa treatment, in the pot/pan you’ll cook the muscles add about ½ cup olive oil and all that supremely sliced garlic, heating on low until the garlic just starts to soften, then remove from the heat. I-N-F-U-S-I-O-N.

Next, macerate the julienned onions by adding a pinch of salt, toss lightly, pouring the red wine vinegar and half the sherry vinegar poured over. Give onions a light stir and set aside. 

            Reserving 10 cherry tomatoes, cut the rest horizontally, season liberally with salt, mix gently, and let drain, reserving juices for your vinaigrette.

            Return your attention to the pan with the garlic. Turning the heat on to medium/high the garlic should just start turning a light golden color and the oil with a light sheen AKA hot, adding the reserved whole tomatoes to the pan. We want to lightly blister the tomatoes, so do NOT move them buggers for the first 1-2 minutes. Once there’s some color, add your remaining diced red onion and the smoked paprika, sweating the onions for 2-3 minutes so the spices can cook out. Add your mussels and the fish sauce, stirring briefly to coat with the aromatic oil before adding your rice wine vinegar and water before covering with a lid, lowering the heat to medium, cooking for another 2 minutes. Turn off the heat, remove the lid, discarding any un-opened mussels, setting aside all cooked mussels in a bowl, picking as soon as cool enough to handle. The delicious sea nectar left behind should already welcome a piece of chewy bread, but Don’t! You!! Dare!!! 

In a medium sized mixing bowl, add your drained white beans, the garlic-y spiced mussel nectar, the reserved tomato water, mix well, and taste for seasoning.

       Don’t disrespect the squid by trying to cook on some prematurely heated pan or grill. To get that squid Goldilocks perfect, we gotta cook it hot and fast. With a vessel ready to transfer the cooked squid, drain the excess marinade, otherwise you’ll get major flare up, and all that deliciousness will turn to acrid waste! Add your squid to the grill. Allow char for 1-2 minutes or until you establish some good color on the squid, turn over and continue cooking for another minute. Pull one piece, and taste for texture . Should feel aaaalmost raw with the crisp of an intense sear, becoming more tender as it cools . Season your cooked squid with the lemon juice, a solid couple glugs of your best olive oil and remaining parsley, mix well and taste for seasoning, remembering there will be finishing salt at the very end.

            Fold your marinated squid in with your beans, the mussels, sliced celery, cherry tomatoes and adding the macerated onions, reserving some of the vinegar to adjust acidity. Be careful not break up the texture of the tomato too much when stirring things together. Give one last taste before plating on a warm large dinner plate or pasta bowl. Save the best prettiest tomatoes to apply as a garnish on top in addition to a few sprigs of parsley and finishing salt. 

   (Psssss.If you’re the type to guild the lily, go the extra mile and make a lemony garlic aioli to make a small pool beneath the beans and drizzle a good bit over the top, otherwise just give an drizzle or two of olive oil over the top.

While this will cure your irrational cravings, it will not cure your rationale.